let me say these words (before the world burns)
by gottaLoveLOVE
Summary: "We'll survive this," he said. Her forehead wrinkled. From all his fidgeting, she reckoned he wanted to say something else entirely. When he didn't, her stomach turned to led. The world's end was nigh,and Bellamy could act brave all he wanted for her benefit, but she didn't want it. None of it changed the fact they had 10 minutes on the clock


So... no way this is going to happen? But I had this scene in my mind and I had to write it down.

Title taken from the beautiful poetry by Abby S, check it out here: post/160829617391/how-many-ways-can-i-say-it-the-words-my-heart

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Clarke sat on the bed, staring down at her shoes in the half-lit office inside Becca's lab. Bellamy saw her through the glass walls from afar , understanding full well what prompted such reaction. He approached the room and opened its door, strolling towards her until she looked up. When she did, her eyes were wide and glossy and her chin quivered.

For an instant, he just stopped in front of her, letting his hands drop to his sides as he waited.

"We won't be able to make it," She croaked, grimacing at the admission.

He sighed, then lifted up his eyebrows. "We don't know that."

She tightened her lips. "There are many things wrong with our plan, things we don't know if will go wrong. But this one we _do_."

He took one step closer, a sharp crease appearing between his eyebrows, "Raven says we have a 30% chance of openning the hatch remotely"

Clarke shook her head and looked away . She propped her elbows on her knees, then stood up. The young woman walked toward the glass walls, peeping down at the lab as she gulped. "And if we're the other 70%? And the rocket is stuck down here because we couldn't get it open?" she muttered

"Then we die."

Clarke whipped around and Bellamy stood there in the middle of the room, shoulders dropped and dark circles under his eyes, shrugging. He walked closer, narrowing the distance enough he had to lower his head to face her.

"There's nothing more for us to do, we have no time. We did everything we could, _you_ did everything you could." He paused and his eyes trailed around her face. "We have to make our peace with that." The corner of his mouth lifted. " There are things not even Clarke Griffin can beat."

At his half smile, her stomach fluttered in response. Whenever he did that, she forgot about all the ugly and wrong in that cruel, cruel world. Too bad they wouldn't have time to see how that looked like when they weren't running for their lives.

And he was right, they should finally… _rest_. Still on their young years, they had given every single drop of sweat they had, but it still wasn't enough. And maybe it was okay, some things just weren't meant to be. Like surviving on earth and having peace, like living. Her heart constricted as she looked at Bellamy and everything he wouldn't get to see or feel anymore.

Yeah, she would be able to accept that. If only her life was at risk, but not anyone else's.

"Clarke."

She blinked twice. Even when her vision was watering, she tried to keep the smile her lips have formed without her realizing. But the lamps inside the office reflected on the unshed tears, forming kaleidoscopes of light in her sight.

Bellamy clenched his jawbone, took a deep breath and opened his mouth but ended up shaking his head. He inhaled through his nose, puffed his chest, then exhaled loudly. He gazed at her again and Clarke's pulse picked up.

"We'll survive this," he said.

Her forehead wrinkled. From all his fidgeting, she reckoned he wanted to say something else entirely. When he didn't, her stomach turned to led. The world's end was nigh,and Bellamy could act brave all he wanted for her benefit, but she didn't want it. None of it changed the fact they had 10 minutes on the clock.

Two arms around her broke her train of thought. She saw everything in orange-red when Bellamy hugged her, and she got choked up . She held him back, his cheek brushed against hers. Her head rested against his shoulder, and she closed her eyes. That was probably the last time they would ever do that; the last time Bellamy would be with her. She clinged to the material of the radiation suit on his back, grasping its fabric between her fingers. Bellamy dipped his head further to side until his nose was buried in her hair and his chin grazed behind her head. With faces closer, Clarke gripped him tighter, and he responded in kind. Bellamy heaved a sigh against her skin and she pressed her lips together, watching as one of her tears splashed on his clothes.

They were aware their embrace lasted longer than the appropriate time for two friends to be hugging; Still, they wouldn't move.

Clarke pulled away slowly, catching her breath as their noses touched. Inches apart, and not knowing what to do with their hands anymore, they stood still. She craned her neck to look at him, his irises were dark and shadowed by his hair, a sad smile on his lips. Clarke furrowed her eyebrows and lifted her chin. Bellamy, puzzled at her motion, flinched his head back slightly.

But she leaned in, clutched the front of his suit and crashed her lips to his. All his muscles stiffened and he gasped against her mouth. Unfazed, she rose to her tiptoes and pulled him closer. His palms cupped her cheeks, deepening the kiss, drawing a whimper out of her.

Before she knew it, their feet were moved and he was throwing them against the wall. He spread his right arm so his hand would hit the structure first, preventing her from hitting the back of her head. As her back hit the glass and Bellamy towered over her, she flung her arms around his neck. He circled her waist with such force she was lifted from the ground. She tugged on his hair and bit his bottom lip, his breath was hoarse as he pushed them further against the wall. He tilted his head and opened his mouth, and everything on her body tingled.

When she had no more air left to spare, she drawn her mouth away and rested her forehead on his. Her eyes were closed and she breathed through parted lips, which were still close enough they grazed against his. He loosened his grip on her and her feet got back on the floor.

She still grasped his clothing and his hands were wrapped around her upper arms. They swayed slightly backwards, shaking as their chests rose and fell. She looked up at him, unable to focus on anything but the glint on his eyes.

"I thought you weren't ready." His voice cracked.

Her heart pounded even harder against her chest and she almost laughed. Because, of course Bellamy knew.

She never once told him about her feelings, or what she needed. But he didn't need her to.

Her eyes welled up, "I'm not-" she whispered "-but we have no time."

He scrunched his forehead. "Clarke- "

She dropped her head down and fidgeted with the fabric on his suit, "No, listen- "she sniffed and swallowed hard, "If you feel… the way you do about me- "

"No," his tone raised, not in answer but predicting her too well. His throat closed and fear clawed at him.

She stared at him and pulled him nearer, tears prickled the corner of her eyes. "If you feel the way you do about me-" her eyes roamed over his face "- you'll let me do what I need to do. I'm the only one that can"

His Adam's apple bobbed up and down. "You can't ask me that."

She grimaced, tears trailing down her face, "I'll do what I have to do to save the people I love, you know that, Bellamy. Don't ask me to stay here when I could have saved you." She let go of him and took a step back, his eyes widened and his nose flared.

He scowled, his hands closed in fists. "You can't seriously believe I'm gonna to let you die!" he yelled.

She chewed on her bottom lip until there was blood in her tongue, she took a couple more steps back, "Just…. remember what I asked you." She turned around and marched towards the door.

Bellamy followed her closely, calling her name. But Clarke walked through the door and shut it behind her. He barely registered the moment she took out a key from her pocket and locked it, staring back at him for one second before going away completely. He banged and banged on the glass doors, screaming her name.

Some of their friends turned their heads at the commotion from where they stood down at the lab. They couldn't to see Bellamy at the door or understand why Clarke was suddenly running, but Monty charged after her, anyway.

A few moments later, Bellamy realized he wouldn't get out of the room in time. He grabbed one of the nearest chairs and threw it against the door, giving himself one second to wait for the cascade of broken glass falling and clashing against the ground before running after her.

When he reached the lab's entrance, everything inside him turned cold. Monty was leaning against the door, breathing heavily and when he looked back at Bellamy, he didn't need to explain anything.

Clarke had trapped them inside the lab.

"Why would she do that?" Monty asked, realizing Bellamy figured out what she did.

Bellamy passed a hand over his face, his mind had gone blank. He realized there were few times he had truly felt panic in his life. Because this? This was his world turning black and white, his limbs turning into ice and a scream stuck on his vocal chords. He wanted to punch the lab's entrance until his knuckles bled and all he understood was pain.

His knees sagged and he leaned against the nearest wall, wishing he'd wake up and realize none of that had happened. But Monty was still there, waiting for him with raised eyebrows. And Raven's braces metal creaking echoed as she approached them. His vision blurred and he commanded his body from sabotaging him but he was already gasping for air.

"What is going on?!" Raven's voice resounded somewhere behind them. "Bellamy what are you doing-?"

"What do you mean?" Monty furrowed his eyebrows, not understanding what she was asking.

"He smashed Becca's office door- "

Bellamy closed his eyes, their voices going distant and mute under the white noise on his eardrums.

Helpless.

It didn't matter what he did, she was gone. They had minutes left and if he spent every one of them trying to break out of the lab and find her, she'd still be gone as praimfaya arrived. Unless the nightblood miraculously saved her, something he was sure she didn't believe or the last 5 minutes of his life wouldn't have happened.

He was back at the cliff where he kneeled and saw Charlotte's figure disappearing after the jump, or at Camp Arkadia where he stood by the gates as Finn died, with nothing to do to change their story, with no one to fight to make it right.

Except this time, he didn't have Clarke with him anymore to share the same burden. He'd never have Clarke with him ever again.

He snapped his eyes open, willing the bile to stop raising in his throat "Let's get going." He moved away from the wall and walked back into the lab.

Raven and Monty stared at his back for a beat before following him.

"What are you talking about?" Raven asked.

"Clarke's out there." Monty said.

"I know." Bellamy clasped and relaxed his fists, feet moving faster towards their rocket, "She's gonna open the hatch manually so we can take off."

"What?" Raven exclaimed.

Monty came to a stop, but the other two continued walking.

"Bellamy, she's going to die. Nightblood won't survive Praimfaya's blast." Raven said.

They both stopped in the center of the lab, all the others around them as they finished packing for the next 5 years in space.

Bellamy grabbed his space suit, refusing to look at her or anyone else at that matter.

"Of course." Murphy groaned, rolling his eyes. All that tumult had to mean Clarke was up and about being the sacrificial lamb.

"Who is she talking about?" Harper asked.

"Clarke," Emori explained, connecting the dots as fast as everyone else, just not as emotionally attached to deny them.

Bellamy was zipping down his radiation suit, his back to everyone and his head on the mission. Raven loomed over him, eyes sharp and narrowed, pointing at the lab entrance direction.

"She's going to open the hatch manually, and there's no way she's going back here in time," she yelled.

"He knows," Monty whispered and they turned to him. He looked around at his friends, stopping at Bellamy's gaze. "He already knows that."

Harper averted her eyes and covered her mouth with her hand, Murphy raised his eyebrows and crossed his arm in front of his chest. Emori glanced around them as Echo rolled her eyes and turned around to grab her space suit. Raven gritted her teeth and glared at Bellamy.

"How are you okay with this?"

"Because I love her," he spat, jaw so tight that the pain cut through all the numbness.

Raven's shoulders slumped and everyone grew quiet.

"There's nothing we can do to stop her, believe me, I tried." His voice cracked and he motioned towards the office he had previously torn apart, "And if we stay, we all die. That's the last thing Clarke would want. And I'm not gonna let her die for nothing."

They stared at him in silence, and before anyone could try to reply, their countdown reverberated. Becca's lab was filled with red flashing lights and sharp noise, reminding how they were supposed to be fighting for their lives once again. They retreated in silence despite the chaos, each one grabbing their space suits and getting ready to launch. Bellamy stood behind the group as they approached the rocket, staring back at the one space suit that wouldn't be worn.

He froze in place and time stopped, Clarke's lone empty suit propagating melancholy in his bones. But then his friends were yelling at him to _run_ and before he realized it, he was sat down and their feet were light from losing contact with the ground. He shut his eyes tight, a pain spreading through his chest.

Some promises were not worth keeping.

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